Walter Kovacs The Eve Journal
by Isabelle Chelsi
Summary: Walter Kovacs. He owned many journals during his teen years. This one featuring and following the interactions and adventures shared between him and a fellow resident at Karl House. Pain, joy, learning, experience. All expressed through Walter's words.
1. The Girl

July 12 1964

Her. She keeps staring. I stare back.

Gaze unbroken.

She won't break. Or perhaps it's because she is already shattered.

I hide my thoughts, pushing forward a wall of empty gazing.

She smirked at me. Turned side ways on the couch, her eyes locking onto the grey wall. A spider climbed up it with great speed.

I didn't stop. The spider did not interest me.

She reached down to her foot. Ripping off her shoe and chucking it at the wall. I blinked slowly when the loud crack and a smash bounced through out the room.

Spider ripped down from the wall and killed by the second impact of the shoe falling upon it.

She got up smoothly, grabbed the shoe. Turning, making eye contact again. Her eyes spilling out with pain. Cold pain. Raw to the bone.

She brushed past me. I stared at the spider.

It's leg twitched.

July 15 1964

I could feel her eyes bearing into the back of my skull. Burning, flaming through my scalp.

I did not turn. I did not return the glance. I was debating whether she would be pleasured by the return in attention, or if she would be shocked.

The teacher jotted quickly the mathematics notes on the chalkboard. The white chunks screeching lightly, rubbing against the hard surface.

I felt a light jabbing on my shoulder. Ignored.

Burning.

Again with the jabbing.

Scalp beginning to redden under my red hair.

I growled under my breath.

Jabbing.

I reached back, grabbing the pencil that was irritating me.

Eyes locked onto hers. She raised her eyebrows.

Hand still reached out, in the same position as if she were holding that pencil.

"Keep it." She whispered. Leaning back in her seat.

"Fine." I muttered. Clenching the pencil in my fist.

A light laugh came from behind when I turned back around to face the front.

The burning had ceased.

July 19 1964

Her room was across from mine. Though, I had never seen her go in.

The other children said she was insane. The supervisors dubbed her 'irreversibly disturbed'.

I thought she was only confused, only shattered. That and she was slightly irritating. Yet, we could blame the confusion she held for that.

She came up behind me, while I was eating lunch in the small living room type of a setting.

"Eve." She muttered.

I leaned forward.

"Walter." Her voice was broken.

"Eve …" My voice was soft. Repeating her name after her acknowledging me; seemed proper.

She laughed again. Walking away.

I didn't turn.

July 22 1964

No burning in math class.

No jabbing in math class.

No Eve in math class.

My curiosity grew.

I looked around. Searching for the rotten souls in the room. Three were missing.

Including Eve.

I wished to be excused.

Walking down the hallway and out the back door …

To the pit. The place where the wild things huddled together, smoke steaming from between them. Only right now, there was not huddle. There was no smoke.

She was there. They were there. Two boys. Blond hair. Blue eyes.

Her. Black hair. Green eyes. Covered in blood. Bleeding.

I stood at the corner. Watching.

"Come on, girlie. Get up."

She lay there. Not because she was weak. But she was being rebellious against them.

"Get the fuck up!" The taller one shouted. His foot bruising her stomach.

She started laughing. Same laugh she gave me.

"Fine. If you want to stay down there. Stay." The tall one bent down. "But I feel I have the right to join you."

His hands immediately started caressing her chest.

I felt my jaw clench.

The other boy reached up her skirt, she made a pained grunt.

The blood started flowing hard through my brain.

"You like it babe. You love it."

She tried to kick him off but the other had pinned down her shoulders. While the to her undid his belt and slip between her legs. Trying to manoeuvre his way out of his pants.

When he finally did, her expression was similar to the one I noticed after she killed the spider.

I couldn't move. Just watched.

"You're hurting me!" She screaming, trying to get free again.

I couldn't stop myself. I rushed over, pulling the one boy off. Punching him square in the face. Vermin. Elbow to the groin. Runt. Kick to the gut. Pig. Heel to the jaw. Coward.

The other pulled out. Backing up quickly.

"Chill man!"

I smashed his head down once against the hard pavement. He was out.

She lay there, rubbing her head lightly.

I just turned to her and watched.

She got to her feet, slowly. Her muscles tense.

She walked towards me, reached out and grabbed my hand.

I jolted back but she did not release. Leading me into the school.

She rushed into the washroom. Girl's washroom.

I waited awkwardly outside for a moment, and then she popped her head out.

Smirking painfully with her bloodied lips and pulled me in.

The door clicked, locking.

She turned the tap on full. Dunking her head under the fosset. Her hair became drenched, and the blood washed away.

She pulled up her shirt. The bruises were starting to show.

I retreated to the farthest corner.

She pulled off the shirt and wet the corner of the cloth. Dabbing the emerging blue with cool liquid.

She fixed her skirt. Pulling on the long sleeve shirt again and turning to me.

Her look was different now. Her eyes were full of an unregistered emotion. One that was not familiar to her, this made it translate funny to me.

"I'm going back to the House." She said gently. Her eyes not leaving mine. She unlocked the door and went to slide out, "Thank you."

When I emerged from the washroom. She was at the end of the hall.

Disappearing outside within a few moments.

"No problem." I whispered, walking back to class.

July 20 1964

"Walter and Eve, were fooling around behind the school. When these two came around, and threatened to report them if they didn't behave, Walter over reacted. Ended up hurting these two, and even got a little rough after with the girl."

I stared blandly at the floor. Bull shit.

God-damn Aryans.

Eve was sitting cross-legged in the other chair, next to mine.

"We are letting you off with a warning. Since, we understand the stresses of school and the hormone levels you are facing. We know it will affect your actions."

Morons.

"I will have to ask you to, associate with them as little as possible."

Eve's leg twitched. Her eyes looking over to me again. I returned the look.

A look of friendship.


	2. The File

July 24 1964

The blonde boys pester me.

I resist urges. Walk away.

The blonde boys pester Eve.

I watch. Always watching.

She always watches me. I must return the favour.

Jabbing in math class. Burning in math class. Eating away at me.

I whipped my fist around to grab the pencil.

She moved it away in time. This amuses her.

She repeats. I miss, she repeats. I miss.

She laughs. I turn to face the front.

Smirking.

July 27 1964

I see her enter her room for the first time.

Wearing only a towel.

My stomach aches. I am curious.

I enter my room. Do not come out for the next three hours.

July 29 1964

It was raining. Cooling the over heated building.

Eve no where to be found. Not that I was looking.

I decide to go to bed early.

Awoken at three. She lingers beside my bed.

I grow tense. Her wet hair gently dripping on the wooden floor.

"Come." She says in a detached tone. Her dark figure leaving my room.

I follow. Feet wetted by her trail of water.

All is quiet. All is still. No screaming ten year olds. No children trying to prove they are more fucked up than the next kid.

All sleeping. All sleeping like the dead. The dead many wish they could be.

She stops.

Small giggles escaping her lips as she fiddles with a door handle.

I do not try to read it. The darkness is too overwhelming.

She gets it open, and grabs my arm. I go in willingly.

Lights flickered. Door shut.

All is quiet.

Cabinets lined the walls. A. B. C. D.

I glanced towards her. She was digging through the file cabinet marked K.

She hands me a brown envelope. I read; Kovacs, Walter.

She moved onto R. Pulling out an envelope, as thick as mine.

"Rimson, Eve." She mutters. Slipping out a thin sheet. Giggling again.

She grabbed my envelope, which I had not opened.

She shoved hers into my hands.

I gaze down.

Eve Rimson, fifteen. Removed from parents care at the age of fourteen.

There were two pictures. One of her how she looks now. One of how she looked when the Aryans got a hold of her, only she looked younger and slightly charred.

The blood made me quake. Weakness.

I glanced towards her. She had settled on top of one of the cabinets. I could see up her skirt. Weakness. Stomach aching.

I look down again.

The gist of her file was abuse. Father a drunk, his friends all drunks. Her mother a beaten down house wife. Her sister, deceased.

I flipped to the back of the stacks of sheets. A news paper article.

Fire kills five, lone child survives.

I raised an eyebrow.

All was not quiet any more.

I slid the file away. Hoping that Eve had noticed the footsteps as well.

She had, my file was already in its cabinet.

The light stomping grew closer. I shoved her file into the open R cabinet.

Not enough time to escape.

She rushes towards me.

The door handle turns.

I fall back against the metal cabinet. My spine cracking under the impact.

Door open.

Eve's lips pressed to mine.

August 3 1964

I am exiled away from Eve.

The way they put it was "Stay away from the girl before we shove this boot up your ass."

They informed the school.

She sits three rows ahead of me now.

The teacher leaves the room.

A pencil smashes onto my desk.

I pick it up. Starting to question why she torments me with fake lead inside of a wood casing everyday.

My lips still tingle. They seem to be holding out for something.

I shudder.

Something.


	3. Affliction

August 5 1964

I am granted permission to go to variety store. Buy some candy.

I wasn't going for the candy though.

Eve had slipped a letter under my door.

'Harold's Variety'

Was all it read.

I felt drawn. Being so spacious from each other. It seemed odd. _Almost_ painful.

I barely knew this girl existed two weeks prior to now.

Now … urges.

The urge to protect.

The urge to know.

The urge to have that ache in my gut.

As much as that revolted me.

No, not revolting. I was not intruding on this girl's life. She wanted me there. She invited me. Her eyes were the gateway to our world. A world we both knew existed.

A world where pretty boys could do dirty things, and ugly boys were thrown to the worst of the world. A world where pretty girls were _done_ like dirt and the ugly girls were thrown under the bus.

A world where a savoir, a caregiver, a respectable individual could turn into Satan himself at a moments notice.

A world. Our world. The world.

We knew. We saw. We experienced. We lived in it.

We watched the heads turn and the faces disintegrate before us.

Fools.

She was sitting outside of the store.

Her lip had ceased to swell, and the bruises that had landed upon her arms were starting to turn yellow.

She didn't move. Just gazed at me. Expression was dim. Mine was evenly matched.

"Outlaw." She growled. I stopped in my tracks.

"The higher powers of this world try to break the scum up. Only, they don't know scum from the angels." Her voice lightens.

"Which are you?" I coughed. Feet stapled to the dirt beneath them.

"Do not know. One cannot see one's self for who they truly are. We all have a filter. Devils see themselves as angels. Angels see themselves as equals. Equals do not care."

I tilted my head. She was bright.

"My father fed me that bullshit." She chuckled. "The angels part. He said I was an angel. A true one. I was his angel."

"I'm sure he thought so." I stepped forward one step.

"Bringing one ecstasy. Is that what true angels do?" She questioned. Deep green eyes melting into my deep blue.

Another step forward.

"Is that what true angels do!" She shouted.

I didn't flinch.

"Only the fallen ones." I muttered back.

She smiled up at me. "What do you see?" Eve questioned.

I stepped once more. Now directly in front of her.

"An equal."

August 6 1964

I had a dream about her.

One of those dreams your not supposed to talk about.

Shirtless. Bruised. Dabbing herself. Mouth open from swollen lips. Me in the corner. She had me cornered. Those lips. She wouldn't let me go. Those eyes. She insisted. Those hands.

I woke up in a cold sweat. Pulling the blanket higher to hide my embarrassment. Only leaving my chest and up exposed.

I thought of those men. Those men who had no dignity. Those men who came to see my mother night after night. Those men who brought the demon into my house. Brought it upon my mind and my body. The men who caused a woman to cause a horrible burning.

Only now. The burning was different. The burning was good. There was no pain from it. Only stress. Only wanting. Only need.

Needy boy. Stress and Hormones. Give me a warning.

For I was the boy … her boy.

The disturbed child, with disturbed thoughts. Her hands.

The disturbed child, with disturbed dreams. Her mouth.

The disturbed child, with the disturbed girl. Her body.

I sank into my mattress. Suck me up, make me disappear.

_Please._

Take me away from the confusion and burning. How I craved the burning.

August 10 1964

Only a week later, and I am permitted to see Eve again.

I suppose they had a new lock put on the cabinet room.

They felt safe.

They think the vermin of the world will stop with their greed and sex, just because they put a lock on one of the breeding grounds of curiosity and questioning.

Naive. Insane. Never thinking ahead.

They lead themselves to their own destruction. Others destruction. Their not caring leaves girls raped in the mud and boys thrown into the cold. They spread their selfish pity and hatred. They cause the world to rot. My world. Our world. Eve.

She was as subtle as ever. She hadn't said a word to me since I called her an equal. My equal.

But she had smiled and walked back to the House by my side.

She was leaving her room today. Holding a paper bag. She saw me and ran up the hall.

I stood. Standing in the silence and wondering what she was up to. She never ran places. She walked awkwardly, but with power. Power that I did not believe her to possess.

I felt a presence behind me.

Slowly creeping up.

Stiffness filled my muscles. Don't over react now. Walter, stress, hormones, control them. Ismirked at the voice in my head. God-damn fools!

A hand grabbed onto my shoulder. I spun smoothly. My fists clenching, ready to throw the vermin off.

Tingling hit my lips and my fist loosened. All I saw was green.

She backed off. She never left my eyes. She bit on her lips and started backing up.

I just stared. I think I felt my lower lip twitch, but I couldn't be positive.

"You're a good guy, Walter." She said, voice like velvet.

I wanted to double over from my stomach.

I recognized the look now. The look from before. The one that confused me because she had not known it herself. It frightened me.

"I like you. You're a good guy." She laughed and trotted away.

I gulped, tried to swallow my tongue. Walking into the closest washroom and locking the door behind me.

Glaring at myself in the mirror. Whore son. Ugly flaming hair. Horrid complexion. Short. Intimidating. Eyes too close together. Mouth not the right size.

What did she see. What could she see in me. Nothing. Because I see nothing in myself.

I smashed my foot through the cupboard door and slammed my self down onto the toilet seat. Rubbing the back of my burning skull. Eating away. Eating away. Fellow vermin, eating away.

"What does she see?!" I yelped, throwing my head forward.

Only, she wasn't vermin. She didn't look at me like I was vermin.

I glanced into the mirror. Catching hold of my blue eyes.

"Key to the soul." A soft voice cued.

I looked over, the bathroom door was open. Eve standing there.

Lock picker.

I looked down to my feet. Shoes rotting through.

"You're pure." She smirked, reaching into her sweater pocket and pulling out the brown bag.

She tossed it at my feet and closed the door behind her. Gentle foot steps echoing away.

I grabbed the bag, peered inside.

Pulling out a lighter.

Picture of a nuclear explosion on one side and the words: "Hot Red Head" on the other.

I chuckled.

Cheese.


	4. First Time for Everything

Note: Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, favorite, etc my story.  It means a lot.

I am back from my abnormally long hiatus and the story shall begin pumping out once more. Though, there are very few chapters left to put out. 

One thing I would like to note, I messed up the journal date. Apparently I cannot do math and this story takes place in the 50's not the 60's. 

Enjoy.

August 13, 1954

The sun bled through my eyelids. I sat up quickly, shielding my pale face.

I glared at the open drapes. A shiver rushed through me as my bare feet pressed to the cold wood floor.

I ripped the drapes shut. The room enveloped in darkness.

"Road trip. Come on." Eve yelled through my door.

I sat down on my bed. Brain ceasing to work. Hot blood pounding. Knives stabbing into my gut. Eyes itching and beginning to water.

"Hurry up." She growled. My body tensed. Long seconds ticked past me.

The door swung open. She barged in, rummaging through my drawer and tossing pieces of sewn cloth at me. She then left, closing the door behind her.

I got dressed slowly. A strip of light ran through the window pane and dug into my eyes. I cringed and rotated my body.

She led me out to the roadside and encouraged me to trust her. Her hair was gleaming under the bright light, due to her shower day being a few days ago. I felt the need to pet her hair, feel it, embrace it in my hand.

A wave of faintness over came me.

I quickly recovered when a worn car pulled over to the side of the road.

"Where you going, kids?" The man asked.

Eve gave him a mystical smile and muttered something. He nodded.

We sat in the back. Squished together because of some boxes that took up most of the seat.

Eve had her warm leg placed delicately over mine. I sat there, stiff, eyes locked on the window.

She giggled, rubbing my hair. "Calm down, silly. We're going to do some sight seeing."

My ears began ringing. She left her hand on my shoulder.

We had been sight seeing. In a horrid part of New York.

She had shown me around her old neighborhood. Dank and dirty, much like my own. I could see the fear that had settled behind her glass eyes when we first got there. The fear soon turned into anger. Then anger to madness.

We spent the night at her old neighbor's house. A elderly woman who had offered us sweets and had only one couch for us to share.

I slept on the floor.

August 14, 1954

Eve awoke me. Led me outside and down the street.

She grabbed my hand as we passed the gates of a charred building. The scent of smoldered wood, mold and death was still present.

"Home sweet home." She chuckled, kicking in a basement window and sliding in.

I followed close behind her. My shoes were overcome with water and dirt as I landed. Eve was no where to be seen.

My heart rate increased. I could feel my ribs straining to keep my heart from bursting out. "Eve?" I shouted, trudging forward. There was a overwhelming silence to this building.

I sprinted up the decrepit staircase. The top stair gave under the pressure. I fell through, holding onto the dark wood in desperation. "Eve!" I growled, trying to get a proper grip but my legs wouldn't stop struggling against the bare air.

Eve wandered out of one of the bedrooms and smirked at me. "Silly goose, what are you doing?" I felt my teeth start to burn under my clenched jaw.

He grabbed my arm and pulled, dragging me onto the stable floor. She knelt down and kissed my forehead. "Don't be foolish."

I bite my lip. Heart finally still.

She was sitting in a dingy little room. Practically empty besides a rotting cupboard and two bed frames with some chalky mattress that had melted to the metal.

I gagged at the potency of the room and rushed for the window. It refused to open but I pressed on. My fingers felt as if they were going to give at any moment. I finally just elbowed the glass, which shatter into the alleyway below. The fresh air rushed into my lungs and gave me life again.

"So … this is your room?" I gasped. Brain fogged.

"Yes. Kathy's too." She said with a large smile. Her green eyes radiated something I did not understand. "But Kathy is dead now." She continued to smile.

"The fire got her?" I questioned, sliding down the wall and sitting on the chipping floor.

"Yes sir. Along with some of daddy's friends." She said, a small frown setting onto her face.

"But your mother and father were alright?" I continued to bite my lip. Nervous about the truth of this girl I had grown attached to.

"Yes. Daddy and mommy were out." She pulled her knees into herself.

"Did those men start the fire?" I pressed.

She chuckled, "Of course not. I did." She glanced over at me, nothing showed through her. She was a shell. An empty shell.

"They were supposed to take care of us. Well, they took real good care of Kathy." The smile remained. "I couldn't take the noises any more … So I made them stop."

"You killed your sister?" My lip began to leak blood.

An echoing silence bounced through the room. Eve was still.

"Yes. But it was alright. She wanted me to come with her. I was going to go with her. She wanted me. Now she's alone … all alone … cause I am stuck up here with you." She slowly crawled towards me. "God did not take me but he will. I know he will. Once things are set right, I will go."

My neck tightened as she put her face an inch from mine. "How are you going to set things right?"

"I have ideas." She muttered. Licking the blood from my lip. I went to crawl back, but just slammed my head into the wall. A daze overcame me. Followed by the burning in my throat. "Shh." She said, giggling. She sucked on my wound for a moment, her body resting on top of my own. The hunger couldn't be filtered out. The need was hitting me full force. My brain shut down and instinct took over.

I kissed her back.


End file.
